Stuff in My Head (2)

Ok... so what I am hearing is that no one can agree. And it's more than a disagreement on something inconsequential... I mean the discussion in the comments section of my previous post are pretty damn heavy.

I write that my faith has been declared dead on another blog, and everyone proceeds to comment and muddy the faith waters even further.

You would think that the Bible would be pretty clear about how one is to be certain of something as important as eternal life. Does it just boil down to a matter of opinion based on one's interpretation of scripture (as defined by the multitude of denominations that abound)?

Seriously...the Baptists don't agree with the Methodists who don't agree with the Lutherans who don't agree with the Catholics who don't agree with the Church of Christ who don't agree with the Seventh Day Adventist who might even be considered a cult...depending on who you choose to agree with.

To be honest, the stuff in my head tells me that it's all bullshit. We don't really know definitively about the subject. Seriously, I give up. It'd be easier just to go back to church (any church will do really) and believe everything they tell me. At least faith was simpler when I didn't give a damn.

My Faith is Dead (I guess)

This from Josh S. (not Josh Sager - at least to my knowedge) over at Metalutheran:

I found the link at the site, Stupid Church People. It is the blog of two pastors who started off making fun of all the silly crap in evangelicalism, eventually despaired of the silliness, fakeness, and hypocrisy of evangelicalism, left the church environment entirely to find more authentic spirituality, and ended up renouncing the faith altogether. Read this post and realize that the very things this pastor is talking about eventually killed his faith. I find this stuff fascinating because in my opinion, evangelicalism is deadly. Yes, millions grow up in it just fine, learn to know Christ there, etc. But there are many who get caught in the eddies of everything wrong with it, and it is in those vortices that anything and everything that would incline them to pay attention to anything called "Christianity" is sucked right out of them.

And some comments:

John: ...didn't those two pastors endanger their faith when they created a blog to mock their brothers?

David: Not everyone who lives through kooky fundamentalism turns out that way. Those guys chose that path . They may have lived previously among the Stupid Church People , but now as the Stupid(er) Non-Church people I can't imagine how they think they're better off....

I sometimes wonder if people like these guys were always in the back of their mind looking for a way out and their focusing on the idiotic aspects of evangelical culture was the way they justified their leaving ? If you can demonize your former community then it's much easier to leave....

I realize that I sound like I'm angry at them (by calling them Stupid Non-Church people) and I'm really not . I'm heartbroken . I'm angry at the evangelical weirdness that gives people the nudge towards God-hating and I'm angry at the God-haters (the Dawkins, Harris, Hitchens types) who so readily supply them with slick , superficial "reasons" for why they are right to reject everything about Christ...

Finally Josh S. comments: ...they think they're better off because anyone who changes his mind about anything thinks he was better off than before, since if he were to think that his previous beliefs were better than his current, he would still hold them.

In any case, right when they left the church, there is still genuine faith expressed in those blog posts. What you see, though, is this belief at the same time that the Church, Christianity as such, strictly identified with megachurch evangelicalism, has "failed," so the authentic way of following Jesus is to be found outside of it. So they left. And died a few months later. Even in the worst of that evangelical circus, there is still something of Christ. But alone, you have nothing.

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So I've visited the site and left a couple of comments of my own, but I thought I should share this over here and let you guys in on it. Initially I was a bit defensive at some of these comments (hate when I do that knee-jerk thing), but its a good thing to read what others think you are representing.

As I told them... I am not declaring anything about my faith publicly on this site. I continue on this journey. I just enjoy sharing it publicly on the web. Certainly Josh S. (again not Sager) and his friends are free to comment on this site and declare my faith dead if they like. Church people make those types of determinations all the time based solely on limited information and externals...and Josh's flavor of church people are just like all the rest when it boils down to it... even if they don't think so.

Stuff in My Head (1)

When the facts and your knowledge/experiences don't match up with your beliefs... you either bury your head or change your beliefs. To believe otherwise in the face of the facts is to be at best, in denial, and at worst, delusional.

Back to Earth

Well first, Jeff goes bye-bye.... again. No surprise there (although he claims it wasn't his fault, I personally think it was completely his subconscious acting out.... again).

Then, the ever insightful Zeke says "Adios".

And next, I read that Dorsey is thinking of shutting down, but he does a head-fake and proceeds to post - but who knows for how long.

So here I sit after a month of not posting understanding that shutting up might be a blessing to some, but I am nowhere near done. If I ever was really honest about the things running around my brain, this blog might go to the next level. Trust me, I am working on it, working on me, working on my life... and seeing things much more clearly than I did even three months ago (not to mention three years ago).

Why? Because of one word.

Disconnecting.

I think disconnecting can be a very healthy thing for some people. It has been for me. Let me explain...

Prior to leaving the church, I was very connected to that community of people. Prior to experiencing the breakup of my marriage, I was also very connected to my wife.

What I have found is that what I perceived as healthy connections were truly unhealthy enmeshments. To be enmeshed in something is to be entangled and intertwined.

The level of which I was enmeshed in the church and in my marriage was unhealthy for me. To flip a phrase, it caused me to not see the trees for the forest. I was so enamored of the big picture of things... that I missed the realities of the situation and what was actually happening in front of me. I didn't bury my head in the sand, I often buried my head in the sky.

Disconnecting has caused me to see things more clearly. It has brought me back to earth.