Stupid Church People Church
By Jeff Marshall
In my opinion, stupidchurchpeople IS a church... SCPC???
I know... I know... no one wants to hear such a thing, but it's true.
This is the place that the disenfranchised come to "forsake not the assembling of themselves together". We sit around, drinking gay coffee, discussing Pastor Steve's last sermon, and wondering how he lives in that nice house with the great view, drives a BMW and vacations in Maui, even though he never receives an offering!!!
Some services, youth-Pastor Josh speaks. These are usually the funnier, more lighthearted sermons. We always get a good laugh! And if they DID receive offerings, we'd give more on those days, because he uses more colorful language in expressing his beliefs.
Of course, if anyone gets out of hand, we have a special treat for them... the High Priestess over La Iglesia Del Burrito Santo also serves as head-usher at SCPC. She and her husband, who oddly wears a gymbag for a hat, will chew your ass if you're just here to start trouble.
Of course, dissenters are welcome and are always engaged in lively, and sometimes life-threatening debate. Ministers like Dorsey and Zeke are always willing to assist in the pointing out of stupidity among the stupid. We find this is healthy for church growth.
One of the highlights of the year is communion. Where all the church members gather around, listen to a podcast, eat burritos and drink from the beer-fountain of life. Although these podcast/communion moments do not happen as often as usual, they are always looked forward to.
Recently, SCPC has undergone tremendous growth. An insurgent group of REALLY stupid followers have frequented the facility. As a result, much like Jabez, the Lord has enlarged our borders and with a couple of 100+ comment-posts on the site, made SCPC the worlds first mega-blog-church.
With this new growth comes a new and improved coffee bar, a mini-mall, and a non-christian bookstore, all run by our Director of Public Relations, JimmyBob.
Come grow with us!
[doxology]
We're stupid and we all drink beer...
We love all people straight or queer...
Feel free to cuss here, without fear...
You need relief? Come worship here...
Aaaaaaaa-mennnnnnn.
In my opinion, stupidchurchpeople IS a church... SCPC???
I know... I know... no one wants to hear such a thing, but it's true.
This is the place that the disenfranchised come to "forsake not the assembling of themselves together". We sit around, drinking gay coffee, discussing Pastor Steve's last sermon, and wondering how he lives in that nice house with the great view, drives a BMW and vacations in Maui, even though he never receives an offering!!!
Some services, youth-Pastor Josh speaks. These are usually the funnier, more lighthearted sermons. We always get a good laugh! And if they DID receive offerings, we'd give more on those days, because he uses more colorful language in expressing his beliefs.
Of course, if anyone gets out of hand, we have a special treat for them... the High Priestess over La Iglesia Del Burrito Santo also serves as head-usher at SCPC. She and her husband, who oddly wears a gymbag for a hat, will chew your ass if you're just here to start trouble.
Of course, dissenters are welcome and are always engaged in lively, and sometimes life-threatening debate. Ministers like Dorsey and Zeke are always willing to assist in the pointing out of stupidity among the stupid. We find this is healthy for church growth.
One of the highlights of the year is communion. Where all the church members gather around, listen to a podcast, eat burritos and drink from the beer-fountain of life. Although these podcast/communion moments do not happen as often as usual, they are always looked forward to.
Recently, SCPC has undergone tremendous growth. An insurgent group of REALLY stupid followers have frequented the facility. As a result, much like Jabez, the Lord has enlarged our borders and with a couple of 100+ comment-posts on the site, made SCPC the worlds first mega-blog-church.
With this new growth comes a new and improved coffee bar, a mini-mall, and a non-christian bookstore, all run by our Director of Public Relations, JimmyBob.
Come grow with us!
[doxology]
We're stupid and we all drink beer...
We love all people straight or queer...
Feel free to cuss here, without fear...
You need relief? Come worship here...
Aaaaaaaa-mennnnnnn.
posted by Steve at
7/14/2006
49 Comments:
LOL. Great post.
What nights are membership class?
excellente, el jefe.
chewing ass? nay, ours is to gently reproach those of a ruffian air.
our two primary tools of said reproach are wit and brightly colored metaphors . . .and sarcasm. our three, three primary tools are wit, brightly colored metaphors, sarcasm, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope. our FOUR tools are . . .
To classic, seriously. Even I think that's freakin' funny......Always there to help when ever I can.
*claps* Bravo to Señor Jefe.
Satnding Ovation - The spirit moved me - Chicken Dance to follow - Very Funny!!!
I don't come to this site all that often any more, but I thought I'd check in to see what's going on. In the time I've been away, you have become an actual church.
Since I'm having troubles at my current church, both in the youth program and other areas, I am now church shopping. Maybe I should just become a member here instead. I like burritos and beer and I love Steve, Josh, Ninjanun, Zeke, Jeff and Dorsey. Hmmm. Methinks my search may have ended.
Great post.
Wow, Senior Jefe, good observations! You didn't mention yourself, but with such a well-written doxology there at the end, you'd obviously be Worship Pastor. Or "Lead Worshiper." Or "Worship Navigator." Or whatever the hell they're calling it these days. ;)
And I agree, this little blog, and others of a similar nature are definitely one way for such as me to "not forsake the assembling together." I guess my only concern is that we not get cliquish about it and truly allow room for others to come to the table, so to speak.
But if you're just here to cause trouble, you will definitely receive a verbal spanking from moi. :)
As someone who tabernacles with this virtual church on a regular basis I thought it only right that I help support you as part of my family in God. So I am sending you a virtual offering of $13500, this is more than I have ever gifted, but I hope you will use it to build a purpose built virtual building.
"But if you're just here to cause trouble, you will definitely receive a verbal spanking from moi."
::will be watching his p's and q's, along with crossing his t's and dotting his i's::
Damn, gazumped on my offering, so not wanting to be outdone, I give you my fathers cattle on a thousand hills, plus 100 brokeback cowboys to round them up, plus 50 sleeping bags for them to bunk down at night...now you have a virtual farm to sit alongside your virtual church building.
Hey just realised, this is like 'The Sims' for christians, now there's an idea for a game
Just put a paypal icon on your homepage and I might send an "offering" once in a while. But only if you ask for it and only if I see "last weeks attendance" numbers and giving amounts.
Church people...can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts.
I've always enjoyed you guys. Keep it up.
As the Director of Public Relations, I am proud to announce our new Internet Cafe. This will encourage more blogging and silly picture taking (as we have digital cameras built into our computer stations). We have found that blogging increases honest sharing and improves communication skills. It also gives people an opportunity to think before they publish (which, in my opinion, is a positive thing). Blogging also stimulates deeper study and gives EVERYONE a chance to participate. We are ALL called to be ministers.
Silly pictures allow us to laugh at ourselves. When we look at a warped picture of our nose being pinched in the center of our face, or our forehead swelling as if it will explode, we laugh because it is an extreme distortion of our original self (perfect the way it was created) and it looks funny. We realize that it only takes a small move to make us look really ugly and this keeps us humble.
Silly pictures remind us that sometimes what we say or what we believe is an extreme distortion of the Truth (the original perfect way) and it makes us look funny. SCP likes to laugh at these "pictures" too, because it is healthy.
I am slightly concerned about our tone with guests, however. We must continue to welcome and find ways to better communicate without bickering. Those who visit our virtual church are from various backgrounds and are still working through many hurts and biases. Many times visitors are not familiar with the beliefs, rules, or personalities of SCP. We must ask God for greater patience, even if that means explaining again and again. We also ask for creativity.
On that note, does anyone have a product they would like to see in our mini-mall?
Begging your pardon. In my communication above it should have read SCPC instead of SCP.
Thank you kindly. Looking forward to your creative suggestions.
Director of Public Relations,
JimmyBob
Hey Pastor
this is a fringe member who sits in the back row and watches the show. Great show! Keep them coming. If you find this bach corner with your baleful glare - I will occasionally put something in the offering plate.
Nice fairy tale land - this is some cutesy way of making yourselves feel better about your so-called “revolutionary” way of thinking. You’re supposedly not mocking the “Church” but the “church”. So when did the “Church” stop being about people? So church people are stupid in your opinion. They did things to hurt you. So this is your way of making a so called difference.
Okay so you got this blog community, your church. How is your church any different? Your whole pretense for gathering is to mock all of the other churches that in your opinion have it all wrong. Hum sounds a bit self-righteous, cliquey, and down right Pharisee like. The Pharisee’s mocked Jesus, way to go fellow mockers – nice camp to join. Remember this Jesus died for people, the same people you mock.
Steve, I realize your just venting from a bad situation you were involved in. You have that right as much as the next. I read your entry about wondering if your words are doing any good. I can’t help wondering if you really do care if what you writing or your lifestyle is effecting those around you and in your life. I suppose I have the right to wonder as much as the next guy.
As for all of you who are going to jump all over me no matter what I write, good for you in your self-righteousness. Your no better either, you don’t want to hear an opposing opinion. You just want to get together and talk about how you’re so much better and :righter” than the rest. How does that make you any better than any other church. So go ahead, shred each word up – distort my opinions and walk away at the end of the day feeling really Pharisee about yourselves, thinking your “different”.
I appreciate the opportunity to visit now and again at you little church. I like the middle pew so I can get a good look at everyone. Hey JimmyBob maybe in your gift shop you can get some of those as seen on TV items.
shefrog... didn't you write earlier Standing Ovation - The spirit moved me - Chicken Dance to follow - Very Funny!!!
You confuse me.... you really do. It's almost like you are two people... I am left scratching my head.
We hashed all this out in the last post. I hope we are not going to do that again. Shefrog, if you came here to pick a fight with me you are not gonna get it. I hope you won't get it from anyone else either.
The point of this post in my opinion was that we are not unlike any other church. Trust me, no one will distort anything you say any worse than how you have distorted who I am or what this site it about.
Look I can enjoy good comedy as much as the next. Your entry here is laughable because it’s ridiculous. You’re a church – puleassee.
You pick on Churches out there for doing what they know – IE Maui. Why didn’t you knock on the church door and tell them why there wrong? Instead you and your son drive by and get a good photo to share with your little commune here.
Way to teach your son to stick up for what he believes.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I said it seemed Shefrog wanted a fight.... and now I think in light of her last post... I am certain of it.
Be careful what you wish for Melissa.
Oh, brother. Senor Jefe, "Come grow with us. (and bring your thick skin...)" sounds like a good slogan for any fiery church. Could it be then that "thin skin" is the reason why so many here have left church? As PR Director, my goal is to come up with ways that we can keep people, not run them off.
Now, in most churches I know, if the pastor and the youth pastor start making opposing statements, usually the youth pastor gets the short end of the stick. So, Steve wants peace, but Joshua wants a fight. Who's gonna prevail?
As the PR man, I was trying to go along with pastor Steve by suggesting we keep the peace.
Well, maybe parking lot man would be better for me anyway.
Good point about the Maui sign 'shefrog', it is always easy to poke fun without actually goin to the people and confronting them like Jesus did, but it was still a revealing sign. That particular church says this
For the next two years, God has guided my wife, Fran, and I to lead Kihei Baptist into aggressive growth ministry.We have served the Lord for over fifty years together as pastor and wife in four churches. All four churches experienced God's blessing in a major growth, including twelve church building programs.
Sad for anyone who lives there, they are in fact just part of a building program, though that is nothing to do with me. I was surprised to see Joshua's comments, but I guess his comments more than anyone help to qualify this site...where is your love man?
Shefrog, it's always been my understanding that a church is a group of believers. Is that not the example Jesus gave in Matthew 18:20?
Note: I'm going to quote scripture and will have a shot of Bushmills when I go home to make up for it. ;-)
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in thier midst." NASB
So it would seem that we fit the model Jesus describes here for a church fifty times over, given the size of our church.
Now I'm in agreement with Senor Jefe and Steve, I think you are looking for a fight. They're right you most likely won't find it here. But I can accomodate you. If you will kindly take your own self-righteous and holier-than-thou 'tude over to the Christianity General section of About.com, which you can find by clicking on Relgion and Spirituality on the left hand side and then click on forums and you should find it.
I know some people over there who will be more than happy to hand you your ass on a platter, so to speak. So don't sing it sister, bring it!
I'm done now.
You pick on Churches out there for doing what they know
i personally pick on the churches i've been a part of for what they don't know and becuase they (the local congregation as a single entity - i.e. "powers and principalities") pick on every one that isn't in a church.
"Be careful what you wish for Melissa."
Should I be worried Steve? Now your gonna try to scare me off. Interesting approach. When whit doesn’t win...let’s scare them off. I am very interested in what happens next.
Maybe a clown photo of me????????
Disagreeing is what makes this forum interesting. If you cannot handle a little heckling from the church audience, its always good to get the ushers involved. Ohh did you appoint ushers yet?
Since you acknowledge your church officially, why should you be above answering for your beliefs? I am being a part of your commune here, listening to the differences, and spitting out the preverbal hay. I'd hate to see you push people out when you obviously want to make a difference. I don't mind throwing a little virtual offering in myself.
I just consider this new member’s class - where I get to learn about what you believe. Is this one of those churches that doesn’t want its members to think for themselves? Just wondering…
Yours Truly,
Seeking and Searching
Since you acknowledge your church officially... huh? Again.... you read way to much into a post that SOMEONE else wrote that I thought was entertaining. You are such a literalist.
And as for the "be careful what you wish for Melissa" comment... it wasn't meant to scare you off. It was inappropriate for me to phrase it in that way. In no way was it meant as a threat though. It just seems you want to verbally spar with me... and I am more than willing to go there. Then you imply how you think I should raise my children or something to that effect. I didn't appreciate at all you involving him into the discussion. Bu if you want to go that route, by all means, do what you want.
You are not presenting an opposing viewpoint... you are just being oppositional. There is a difference.
Your comments aren't about my beliefs and wanting to understand me.... they are about you.
Steve - Here is a couple of YOUR comments I was wondering if I was supposed to take literal?
“I said it to you before... challenging someone is not attacking them. Questioning them is not attacking them. Doubting them and calling them on the carpet is not attacking them.”
“The point of this post in my opinion was that we are not unlike any other church.”
And as for the rest of you...
Dave.... yes the sign revealed all it needed to. I didn't need to knock on anyone's door. I have been that pastor, interested in asking (or begging) people to come help me build a church.
Rijane... glad to have you around. Keep it coming...
Baghead... I pick on churches b/c as I stated above... when you are on the inside you know what you are doing is at times manipulative and condescending... yet do it anyway in the name of Gawd. The Maui Sign at least in one sense is an honest reflection of the pastor's intent... and based on what Dave revealed above... at least the dude's consistent... It's about the building man!
Zecryphon... welcome back to the madness. Your an example of someone that took his lumps here at times and we have always agreed to disagree on some issues. Thanks for being steadfast in what you believe. I can admire you in many ways for that.
Senor Jefe... see and there for a second I thought your post would bring the blogworld together.... I could almost here "We are the world" being sung in the background. This was still a clearly creative and entertaining read. I am sure it will be lost on some for what it is.... but you did capture an essence of the SCP nation.
JimmyBob.... Jefe put you in charge of PR. It was his little fantasy world he created. He's like the Executive Pastor of the place, so I will let him administer the church staff. Like most Sr. Pastors, I don't get my hands dirty with that stuff. But don't worry we won't ever fire you, I will make sure that doesn't happen... we will just "send you out" as a missionary to someplace else.
I didn't say you were attacking me SheFrog... I said you were trying to pick a fight. Again there is a difference. But I could be wrong. That's how I see your intentions here.
Bringing my kid into it was in my opinion... personal. I didn't appreciate it.
And saying we are "not unlike any other church"... is a far cry from saying that I literally consider us a church. Can you agree with that?
I think the local bar is like a church. I think the gym and working out is like a church (although one I frequent very seldom). I think many social activities that bring together people... like my job... all of these things remind me of a church-like experience. Rock concerts are very church-like. They have the same dynamics because they include people gathering together to relate, express feelings, share ideas, communicate, create a change... all of these things constitute church-likeness qualities.
Again.... SCP (and the other sites surrounding us) have become for me a place where I have made friendships, shared my thoughts, been challenged and grown. It has become at times what I wish the church was... even in the dialogue you and I are having right now. We are in essence, strongly disagreeing with each other... even bickering (which I am growing tired of as I am sure are others) and at times it isn't pretty.
We tend to shy away from that in the church. We think it isn't spiritual. And maybe it isn't... but it is real. Maybe one day we will reach an understanding and appreciation for each other Melissa.... it possibly starts by calling you by your name rather than Shefrog (or at least remembering that you are Melissa and not just a character you portray here in this arena).
I have some thoughts on the discussion here, but they can wait.
Right now, I'm mostly curious about whether that doxology goes to the tune of "Praise God from whom all Blessings flow..." or the slightly more edgy, yet still funny, "Smells like Teen Spirit."
Ironically, I think the message of smells like teen spirit speaks more to the current state of the Church (or at least the Mega-church) than Praise God from whom all Blessings flow. But that's just me.
who is baghead?
Steve -
I got nothing against you personally, I find you for the most part entertaining. Josh too when hes not whinning. On some issues I can even find myself agreeing with the concept. Other times I find your concepts warped but thats what brings me back. I believe you said that in a previous post - wondering whats going to happen next.
I assure you I - Melissa AKA Shefrog77 am no different in person than you will find in my posts. Take that, love it, and embrace it if you want to or not. Either way at the end of the day I'm not here to seek your approval.
I appreciate the opportunity to discuss, bicker, and even laugh.
So now we can sing "We are the world" if you want - I'll even be the song leader in this one -
Will everyone please rise - We will now sing a Hymn of togethernessaaaa -----------
We are the worlddddddd, we are the childrennnnnnn ................
Steve: "Zecryphon... welcome back to the madness. Your an example of someone that took his lumps here at times and we have always agreed to disagree on some issues. Thanks for being steadfast in what you believe. I can admire you in many ways for that."
Awwww shucks. ;-)
Well Said Sable Chicken!!!
jimmybob cannot keep things fair or from getting ugly, try as he might.
in the long run the blog belongs to josh and steve so they are ultimately the ones to guide the comments. (am i right?)
i think a big part of the ferocity that n00bs find here (as with every other blog on the net) is the territorial defense of those that have found a common voice with the hosts. (n00b is not a slam, by the way . .. at least not when i use it) not that it's right, just trying to identify it for myself.
Again... Jeff said: In my opinion, stupidchurchpeople IS a church... SCPC???
Steve or Josh didn't say that.... Jeff did. He was having fun with a post. Let it be.
Sable says:The thing is as hard as it has been for me to figure out, what in the world you are trying to accomplish here at the Stupidchurch.
We are not trying to accomplish anything. Never have, never will. Please everyone get that through your heads. We are not purpose driven. I don't even know that we are anything driven.
Again... once more... with feeling:
I just wanted to design a place where we can sometimes laugh at ourselves, where the truth is spoken, where light is shed on the darkness and where hurting people can share their pain.
I wrote that on April 1, 2005... the second post ever. I guess that's as close as I can get to a "mission statement"... (geesh I cringe that I even just wrote that).
I have never asked anyone to shut up and not comment. I have never told anyone to leave. If anyone is feeling rejected by anyone... then maybe that is evidence that the person feeling rejected saw this as a possible community that they could experience exactly what I outline was my goals from the beginning.
I don't control anyone here. I don't try to tell other people how to treat people.... that's what an organized church or pastor would do. I don't have any authority here or claim any either. And as I have said, we are not a church... we are not an organization... but we will become however YOU see us regardless
I love this blog, you guys crack me up!
hey jefe....dude... this ain't myspace
Steve,
So this isn't a place for old dudes to try and get in "touch" or relate to the kids? LOL
So if I understand you correctly we're a church, just not a Catholic church. ;-)
Jefe,
What happens in the children's ministry, stays in the children's mnistry. Besides if you wash with Holy Water, you shall be cleanseduh of all sinuh. hehehe
There's not much point in saying it, but once again, controversy erupts because some whack-job doesn't understand the concept of "tongue-in-cheek."
When I posted about The DaVinci Code, a friend make a hilarious comment about how the real danger is in Disney's Ice Age movies and their underlying assumption of Darwinian evolution. Don't you know that some fundie nitwit came right behind that comment with, "Yeah, I thought the same thing the first time I saw Ice Age."
To paraphrase our Lord, "The poor saps, you will always have with you."
This, from a dude who doesn't have a blog.
It's not a dude... and it's an encouragment for a new post, not a bit of bitching. My fans are endless and just can't get enough of me Zeke. :-)
gosh. shefrog is sooo right it's ridiculous!
Stupidchurchpeople = new boring circle-jerk back-patting world wide web organized church with delusions of granduer and blatant demogoguery.
This site is mind-numbingly bad. Obviously you have 5 or 6 people consistantly saying that they disagree with you. (Steve/Josh)
You preacher oafs just don't ever fucking get it. You think you have to control everything to see change. You think you have to create a "shocking" blog for everyone to finally realize what the problem is and that we should go to bars more often or some funny shit like that.
My impression of Steve: "I used to go to church. Now I go to bars! People are cool and honest in bars! I never knew!"
............welcome to EARTH steve/josh. You can find interesting and cool people whether you're in a mosque, the Nile River, the North Pole, or the neighbors that live 2 or 3 houses away from you. You can meet honest/interesting people at work or online. You can meet honest/cool people AT CHURCH TOO. You just never realized it because you were too busy saving us from our evil stupid selves. Now you're all wide-eyed because you think you broke some barrier of thought and decided to make a blog about it. Big deal. I'm not a part of this retarded clique, but I enjoy coming here to say that. This site is for the groupthinkers and the dissenters. Shefrong is a dissenter and much more nice than I am. I don't think you guys deserve any respect.
"Stupidchurchpeople = new boring circle-jerk back-patting world wide web organized church with delusions of granduer and blatant demogoguery"
Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel.
"I'm not a part of this retarded clique, but I enjoy coming here to say that."
Actually by posting this message, you become part of the clique. You also seem to enjoy coming to another persons blog and putting down the entire group that posts here. Interesting. That says more about you than it does about us.
"This site is for the groupthinkers and the dissenters."
Actually it's for a wide range of people. The majority are probably ex-church goers, but I'm currently serving in youth ministry at my church and attending church every week and I find great value in what all the people here have to say. Well most of them anyway.
"Shefrong is a dissenter and much more nice than I am. I don't think you guys deserve any respect."
But I guess we're just supposed to respect you and what you have to say right? Because you've been so respectful, loving and Christ-like towards us, right?
I like how you speak for Steve and Josh, senor. You just prove my point.
and for the record, I don't give a shit if anyone "respects" what I say. I'm not building a church now am i? I'm not currying favor and pandering to people that post on my blog. I'm not publically tackling the greatest questions and hoping people will fawn over me like Steve and Josh do.
Of course, Mr. Zechryphon, you're a youth pastor and you probably sport a gotee....nuff said.
and whoever said I was Christ-like? Hey man (Zech), I'm not the one claiming to start a revolution here by galvanizing like minded drones into action with a catch slogan like "people are stupid."
thxbi.
Don't feed the trolls, y'all.
anyone who disagrees = troll
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